Pregnant? How?
by Anonymous-Trouble-Maker
Summary: Horatio's got a bit of a problem. Frank takes him to the doctor,and the results shock the living daylights out of Horatio.
1. Sick

Ryan stared as Horatio puked his guts out into the toilet. He'd been puking for the last three weeks,and it was really getting on his nerves.

''You calling in sick,today?''

''No. I've called in sick enough already. I'm going to work.''

Ryan looked at him sympathetically.

The redhead had been puking up everything that he ate. As a result,he'd lost some weight,and he was as white as snow. His body never had time to even start trying to digest anything he choked down.

Since he couldn't eat anything and the only thing he held down was pills,Horatio simply stuck to vitamins and water.

Horatio went to stand,and he when he did he staggered and fell into Ryan's arms.

''H,you-'' ''-I'm going to work,and you can't stop me. Stop acting so protective.''

Ryan sighed and helped the man steady himself. He was supposed to be protective.

The two men had gone to New York and got married only a few months ago,and at the time Ryan had never seen Horatio so happy. But now,Horatio was struggling to make it through the day.

He knew as soon as he swallowed the vitamins,he'd brighten up.

* * *

Horatio sat at his desk in his office,trying not to move too much,which wasn't hard considering what he was doing was paperwork.

There was a knock on the door,and Horatio looked up and saw Frank come in with a stack of papers.

''Ugh...More?''Horatio whined,''I'm already a week behind.''

''Well if you can talk all the killers in Miami into not killing for a week,then you can catch up,''Frank replied chuckling.

Horatio groaned in defiance as the stack landed in his desk.

''At least you've got half that work done,''Frank implied.

''Mm.'' Horatio took a sip of water from a water-bottle and swallowed,only to lean over towards his trash can and puke it back up moments later.

''What the hell?''Frank asked,''Isn't that just water?''

Horatio regained his breath and nodded. He took another sip and this time swallowed a vitamin with it. Frank waited for the vomiting,but it didn't come.

''I only puke if I eat,or drink water alone.''

''So how are you living? Not eating can lead to a blood sugar crash.''

''I'm surviving on vitamins,Frank. I'm not happy about it,but I'm stuck with it for the moment.''

''I'f you want,I can drive you to the doctor's after work.''

''I'm working late,tonight. I can't.''

''The hell you are. I'm dragging you out of here at 5. If I have to knock you out,so be it.''

''Fine,I'll go,''Horatio grumbled in agreement.

* * *

At five o'clock,Horatio got up from his desk and headed towards the elevator.

''Hey,where are you going?''Eric asked when he saw the man leaving.

''Doctor,''Horatio muttered in annoyance.

''Frank must have gotten him to go,''Ryan sighed in relief when Eric came into DNA.

Eric looked at Ryan confused. ''What,you couldn't?''

''Nope,not even with the authority of the wedding ring,I couldn't get him to go.''

''Wedding ring?!'' Eric grabbed Ryan's hand.

''Yes,Eric. Now let go of my hand.''

The Cuban examined the two rings on Ryan's finger. One was clearly the engagement ring,as it was made of silver,and the other was made of gold and had more shine to it.

''Since when did you two get engaged,let alone married?''

''Don't worry about it. Now let go!'' Ryan yanked his hand free and went back to work.

* * *

At the doctor's office,Frank was doing his best to hold Horatio down as the redhead was overdue for a few shots and he had a fear of needles.

Horatio thrashed in Frank's grip as the doctor managed to jam the needle into his arm.

Horatio pulled free as soon as the needle was removed.

''Anything else overdue?''he asked annoyed.

''Nope,you're done. Now,why are you here?''

Horatio told Frank to leave the room.

''I've been puking up everything I eat for the last three weeks. I'm living on vitamins.''

''Well,you sat still for the first few needles,so-'' ''What does that have to do with anything?''Horatio demanded.

''The first few needles were for blood work. We'll see what we get for results and call you. Now,when you say everything,do you actually mean everything?''

''Everything but the vitamins.'' ''Even the water?''

Horatio grumbled and took a sip of water from his water bottle,and sure enough,like clockwork,he puked it back up into the garbage can a few minutes later.

The doctor sighed and added it to the report. ''Alright,you'll be getting a phone call tonight around eight.''

''That's fine. Call my cellphone,though. I'll be working late.'' With that,Horatio stalked out of the office.

* * *

**_Please review! I'm currently working on chapter 2,don't worry! :)_**


	2. Ultrasound

Horatio jumped as his cellphone rang,and both Frank and Eric saw him jump and quirked a brow.

''Not a word.''

''I thought the might Horatio Caine couldn't get startled,''Frank said chuckling.

''Shut up.'' With that,Horatio answered his phone.

''Yes?''

_''Lieutenant Caine,we got the results back from the blood work.'' _

''And?''

_''I have a few more questions for you,and I'll need you to come in tomorrow at the same time.''_

''What other questions?'' Horatio didn't like the tone of the doctor. It sounded like there was something wrong going on.

_''Let's just say,they're very unusual questions.'' _With that,the doctor hung up.

''Horatio set the phone down and buried his face in his hand.

''Frank,can you take me back out tomorrow at the same time?''

''Sure.''

Horatio sighed and mulled over the possibilities of what might be wrong.

* * *

Later that night,Ryan found Horatio asleep on the couch.

They hadn't been home for very long,but the lack of food meant lack of energy for the redhead and he fell asleep easily.

* * *

Horatio grumbled up quite a storm as he headed for work. He knew he had to go to the doctors again,and he didn't have any idea what the hell was going on with his body.

He had tried to actually put a meal in his stomach,but he didn't get very far.

When five o'clock rolled around,Horatio grumbled his way through the lab to the elevator with Frank.

''Let's get this over with,''he muttered in annoyance.

They reached the office,and Horatio told his Texan friend to wait in the car before he went inside and sat down in the waiting room.

He was the only one there,so it made him relax a little.

"Lieutenant Caine," The nurse said, holding a clipboard and said male got up and followed her.

Just like as yesterday,he followed the doctor to a room and waited.

Soon another doctor stepped into the room.

"Hello Lieutenant,are you feeling okay,today?"

''Funny you should ask. I threw up last night.''

The doctor nodded as if he was confirming something.

"Okay,now,about those questions."

"Yes?"

"Now this may sound odd,but,are you in a relationship?"

"Yes,"Horatio tilted his head a bit.

"Now,is this a homosexual relationship?" The doctor looked at him.

Horatio nodded slowly,''I'm married.''

"Ok. Now,like I said I have one more test. Please come with me."

The doctor lead him down the hall and to a room where there was a big machine next to reclined seat.

"Please, have a seat and lift up your shirt,"

Horatio did as asked and the doctor turned on the machine. On the screen there was a cone looking shape and it was dark.

"Ok, this is going to be slightly cold," The doctor had put on rubber gloves and squirted some gel on the redhead's exposed stomach.

The doctor grabbed something that looked like a little paddle.

The doctor put the thing on his stomach and slid it around, the cone on the screen turned an odd grey color. There were a few odd shapes and things as the doctor slid it around more,until he stopped on a spot where there was something more there.

"What is that?"Horatio yelped as the thing moved a little.

"That,Lieutenant,is a fetus."

Horatio began to slowly turn pale as the doctor turned the equipment off once a few sheets were printed.

The redhead tucked his shirt back in and mentally,his mind was frozen with shock.

The doctor handed Horatio an envelope,and Horatio stalked out of the office.

Frank noticed the man stepping out of the building,a strange horrified expression on his face.

''I take it it didn't go too well?''Frank asked.

There was no response. Horatio just handed the envelope to him and got in the car and passed out.

* * *

**_Please review! I'm working on chapter 3! Don't worry!_**


	3. Headache

The entire team watched as their redheaded boss began banging his head against his desk.

''What's with him?''Natalia asked after a few minutes.

''Must have been the trip to the doctor that did it.''

''Well whatever it is,he's handling it well,''Eric said,and then the swearing started.

''How-_bang_-the fuck-_bang_-is it-**_bang_**-possible-_**bang**_.''

''Uh,H,are you okay?''Ryan asked as he slipped past his team. Horatio set his chin down on the desk and glared at the envelope.

''No...''he muttered.

''What's in this?'' Horatio watched in horror as Calleigh picked it up and opened it,and for some reason he didn't want to stop her.

''What is this?''

Calleigh knew what she was looking at,but didn't understand why her boss's name was in the corner of the picture.

''H,did you get a girlfriend or something?''she asked.

''No,I'm married to him,''Horatio said pointing to Ryan,''That's mine.''

''What do you mean 'yours'?'' ''My name's on the corner for a reason.''

Ryan snatched the picture. ''What the hell...!''

Horatio launched up and grabbed both of Ryan's arms and shook him violently.

''I don't know how you did it,but you did it!''

''Did what?''

Horatio took hold of the picture of the ultrasound and shoved it in his face.

''THIS IS AN ULTRASOUND,DUMB-ASS!''he screamed.

The entire office got quieter than a library at midnight.

Horatio sat back down at his desk and proceeded to bang his head against his desk some more.

''So...if this is an ultrasound,and your name's in the corner,then that means-''

''-I'm-_bang_-pregnant-**_bang_**.''

''I know I failed health class in middle-school,but I do remember it,and pregnancy in males was not covered,''Eric stated.

''I failed-_bang_-it,too-_bang_-and no-_bang_-it wasn't-_bang_-covered-_bang_. I'm trying-_bang_-to figure out-**_bang_**-how-_**bang**_-it's possible-**_BANG_**!''

Horatio finally stopped,and when he sat up,everything was moving in circles and he couldn't see straight.

''I'm...getting dizzy...''

Horatio fell from his chair to the floor unconscious.

Ryan set the picture down and bent his knees to pick Horatio up off the floor. The team just remained quiet as he carried the unconscious redhead over to the couch and lay him down gently.

''He's gonna have one hell of a headache when he wakes up,''Frank said as he saw that Horatio's forehead was a little red.

''Serves him right...''Calleigh muttered.

''Now,what did he mean when he said he was married and pointed to you?''Natalia asked.

Ryan held up his hand,and the woman noted immediately the two rings on his finger.

* * *

Horatio stirred and opened his eyes. He looked over at the window and noted that it was dark out.

Ryan was sitting by him in a chair reading.

The redhead went to sit up,and groaned when his head felt heavy with pain.

Ryan picked up the sound,and put his book down.

''Want some Tylenol?'' Horatio muttered a yes and tried to sit up again.

Ryan handed Horatio the pills and water,and watched him choke them down.

''Well,a third mouth to feed ought to be fun,''Ryan said quietly.

Horatio gave him the death glare.

''I'll need a c-section,you idiot.''

''Oh,you've been studying?''

Horatio growled at him and sat up completely. ''What time is it?''he asked.

''Almost nine. You really hit your head hard. Your desk has a dent in it,and it's made from solid mahogany.''

Horatio rolled his eyes and went to stand up.

Again,he staggered and fell into Ryan's arms.

''You're gonna need help walking out of here,aren't you?"Ryan practically stated.

''No,I'm fine,''Horatio faked a slur.

''Yeah,sure. Give me your arm.''

Ryan pulled Horatio's arm over his shoulder and helped the redhead walk out of the department.

* * *

Horatio lay down on the soft bed slowly,his movements causing pain to his body. He didn't understand why he hurt all over,but once he was under the blankets,he felt his knees lock,and he didn't have the ability to get up and stand.

He felt the bed dip,signaling that Ryan had joined him. He felt two arms wrap around his waist,and Ryan pulled the man closer to him.

Ryan could tell that Horatio had tensed and stiffened and he placed a very gentle kiss down on Horatio's collarbone,getting the redhead to shudder in pleasure.

''Better?''he whispered,knowing that Horatio had relaxed a bit.

''A lot.''

Ryan smiled. ''A child would be nice.''

''Mm...You're cleaning up after him,though.''

''Fine. You're cooking.''

Horatio grumbled in agreement,and soon they both drifted off.

* * *

**_Please review!_**

**_I'll have a fourth chapter soon! :)_**


	4. Mood Swings and Cravings

''Horatio,when did we buy sauerkraut?''

''Last week,''the redhead replied as he continued to eat his sandwich.

''Okay,why did you buy it?''

Horatio's head dropped in embarrassment. ''I had a craving for it,''he replied nervously.

Ryan cringed when he saw that the sauerkraut was what was on the bread. But he saw something else.

''Is that peanut butter? Eww! How can you eat that?!''

Horatio looked at the sandwich and thought for a moment.

''You know,I'm not sure. Oh well. It stays down. That's all I care about.''

Ryan shuddered in disgust.

Once the cravings set in,Horatio started eating again,and he stopped looking so pale.

Horatio had been pregnant at this point for eight months,and nothing had changed,not even his physical appearance.

He'd only gained about three or four pounds,(the amount he'd lost from the first three weeks)but he still looked the same.

* * *

''Goddammit!''

A pen went flying across the office as Horatio went digging for a new one out of his desk.

Frank was sitting in front of the redhead's desk in shock.

''What was that for?!''

''Damn pen's out of ink.''

Frank looked over at the broken pen on the floor. Horatio had thrown it hard enough that when it hit the wall,it broke into five separate pieces.

''I almost feel sorry for the pen,''Frank muttered.

He looked back at his boss,who was grumbling incoherently as he scrawled his name at the bottom of the report.

''Should I leave?''Frank asked nervously. Horatio was having another mood-swing.

''I'm fine,you don't have to leave.''

Frank looked back at the pen again.

''Here. This report is done. Get it out of here before I burn it.''

Frank snatched the papers and quickly vacated the office.

Horatio started suffering from mood-swings about a week ago,and at first they were minor. But by the end of the week,forget it. Horatio's fuse had shortened considerably.

Even Stetler avoided him. It was a good thing,though. The stress of having Stetler around would probably turn Horatio into a homicidal maniac,Ryan was sure of that.

The team was careful around him though,and with the way his mood-swings were,none of them dared try his patience. They did their best to not cause distractions and worked extremely hard when processing evidence.

They often gave him time to himself,which he vitally needs,and as long as they caused no trouble or argued with him,everything was fine.

* * *

It was well after ten o'clock before Horatio found himself staggering into his home,completely exhausted. The team ended up chasing a killer all over the south end of Miami,and since the places that the killer was ducking into were too small for a car,everyone was on foot.

The redhead collapsed onto the couch out of breath,and soon after Ryan stumbled in and kicked the door shut.

Ryan at least had the decency to set his stuff down in the closet. Horatio had just dropped everything in front of the couch as he was on the verge of passing out.

''Damn...I've never run that much...not even in high school,''Ryan said as he sat down on the couch,getting on of those I-just-got-comfortable-and-you-made-me-move looks from Horatio since the redhead quickly got out of the way in order for the younger to sit down.

He hated sharing the couch.

But he thought better of it and simply lay his head down in Ryan's lap.

''Thought you signed up for track in high school,''Horatio stated with a yawn.

''I did. Coach kicked me out.''

''What for?''

''I tripped somebody on purpose.''

''That must have been funny,''Horatio chuckled.

''Yeah,it was...till the bastard reeled some of my gym clothes up the flagpole.''

Horatio laughed. ''Karma's a bitch,but she's a fair bitch.''

''I still have a list of people she missed,though,''Ryan whined.

''Give her time.''

The room grew quiet,and then Ryan soon looked down to find Horatio sleeping;no surprise.

If the pregnancy wasn't taking a toll on him,then the running sure as hell did.

* * *

''Fucking hell...''Horatio muttered when the alarm clock went off. The redhead slammed his fist down on the off button and rolled over to go back to sleep.

Ryan however was up and getting dressed.

''Come on,Horatio. Get up.''

''No.'' Horatio pulled a pillow over his head.

''Come on.'' Ryan grabbed the comforter and yanked it off,Leaving Horatio curled up in his nightclothes without a blanket.

Horatio simply curled up even more,still holding the pillow over his head.

Ryan watched him reach for the blanket and pull it back over his body as he tried to drift off.

''H,you have a job to do.''

''To hell with the job. I'm staying in bed. Little brat won't stop kicking...It's making my stomach hurt.''

''All the more reason to go to work. You can talk to Calleigh.''

''Like hell.''

''So I take it you won't care if I come home with a pink slip that has your name on it from the chief?''

There was a bit of a growl,and then Horatio sat up. ''Fine.''

''But I'm sure if you read one of those books on pregnancy,you'll find the kicking is normal.''

Horatio glared,then cringed.

Ryan smiled,knowing exactly what had just happened.

'''Relax,H. You only have another month to go.''

''Yeah,then the doctors rip my stomach open.''

Ryan rolled his eyes. ''Oh well. Better get dressed. You'll be late for work if you don't. And besides,look on the bright side;all you're doing is paperwork.''

Horatio groaned and fell back onto the mattress.

''Another cold day in hell...''Horatio muttered.

* * *

**_Please review! Chapter 5'll be up soon!_**


	5. Child

''Get back here,you little brat!''

Horatio was chasing his eight year old son all over the house. The boy had gone and decided to misbehave by shooting at him with a Nerf gun. He got Horatio in the head,and though Horatio was normally good at controlling his temper,the few darts that bounced off his skull set him off.

''You gotta catch me first!''

Ryan was sitting in the living room listening to the shouting and running,along with Frank,Eric,Calleigh,and Walter.

They came to the house often,and more times than not did they walk into Horatio chasing his child all over the house.

''Damn it,Genesis,get back here!''

There was a loud giggle,and then suddenly Horatio found himself lying on his stomach with his son sitting on his back.

''I win!''the child happily cried.

Horatio just lay still. ''Get off.''

''Nah,I'm comfortable here,''and Genesis proceeded to lay down on Horatio's back like a cat.

''Genesis,''Horatio warned.

The boy laughed. If his father wanted him to move,he was going to have to make him move.

Horatio just lay on the floor in front of his friends,completely embarrassed that he was giving in to one of his child's tricks.

''Gee,H,I thought you were tougher than this,''Walter commented.

''He's heavier than he looks,''Horatio growled. His son was much heavier than he looked. At eight years old,Genesis was indeed very skinny,but he weighed nearly 70 pounds,more than an average eight year old. But despite the skinny appearance,Genesis had a lot of strength in his body.

And seventy pounds sitting on the middle of his spine was not fun for Horatio.

Finally deciding that the floor was far from comfortable,Horatio tried to get up. Genesis suddenly found himself on the floor,with Horatio glaring at him.

Genesis sighed,and then got to his feet slowly. Horatio followed,and the boy broke into a run,his father only a few feet behind him.

Walter chuckled. ''You gonna teach him how to set traps next?''he asked Ryan.

Ryan smiled. ''Got it covered.''

''What?''

''Wait for it...3...2...1''

Genesis came running through again,and this time Horatio tripped over a string that had been duck taped just low enough in the doorway to catch his ankle.

There was laughter,and the entire team looked at Genesis and Horatio. ''That was fun! Let's do it again!''

''You little...''Horatio grabbed Genesis and picked him up off the floor. The boy proceeded to pout as he was carted up to his room,hanging on his father's shoulder.

''You're no fun.''

''I'll be more fun when you quit setting traps all over the house.''

''But then I don't get to see you fall!''

''Which means I won't have an eight year old sitting on my back.''

''Hey! I was comfortable!''

''Well,guess what;I wasn't.''

The team heard the boy's bedroom door close,or rather slam as Horatio yelped in pain and came down the stairs limping.

''Hey! He got you in the foot! That's a new record!''Ryan said cheerfully.

Suddenly Horatio had Ryan by the collar of his shirt.

''Why don't you put up with him for a day?''

''Because I know the door hurts and it's fun watching you try to win an argument with an eight year old.''

By this point,Horatio was holding the younger in the air and,with quite a bit of annoyance,just simply dropped Ryan and stormed off to the kitchen.

Ryan landed on the floor and cringed when he realized he'd just bruised his tail bone.

* * *

Horatio yelped when he felt a pair of hands running up and down his sides as he tried to fall asleep. He smiled,knowing full well that Ryan was the cause.

''Can't even go two weeks without any,can you?''Horatio asked sleepily.

Suddenly Ryan flipped him onto his stomach with a simple ''Nope'' and Horatio figured he knew what would happen next. Ryan slipped the redhead's nightclothes off and slipped two fingers into his entrance. Horatio moaned in sheer pleasure as he felt two fingers brush against his prostate.

It was a welcome feeling. He gripped the pillow tightly and buried his face in so his cries wouldn't wake his child as Ryan pushed into him,burying himself to the hilt.

It was well after midnight,and Horatio did not need Genesis to wake up and spy on him and Ryan. Such a thing would ruin the boy's childhood.

Ryan began thrusting,and Horatio began to melt beneath him. It had been about a week and a half since he and Ryan had spent any actual together in bed.

This meant Ryan had a lot of stress piled in his system,which made the time spent in bed rough,and that was how Horatio liked it. He'd be sore in the morning,sure,but he wouldn't be complaining.

Snapping back to his environment,Horatio yelped when he felt a set of teeth clamp down on his neck. ''Ryan?...!''

Ryan gripped the redhead's hips,and forcibly pulled them back to meet his as he pounded the redhead into the mattress.

It was definitely a new feeling,being taken by some force,an Horatio was enjoying every minute of it.

Suddenly he felt his stomach tighten. He was close. Ryan's grip on his hips had tightened considerably. He was close,too.

Ryan picked up the pace even more,and suddenly he stiffened,and his teeth on the redhead's neck clamped down even more. Ryan came inside of Horatio,and Horatio followed shortly after.

Horatio collapsed and felt Ryan's body weight land on his back. He also felt Ryan's teeth pull free,and groaned in discomfort when he felt the pulsing pain of his neck. Ryan had broken the skin.

The new wound was bleeding at a decent pace,and he jerked when he felt Ryan's tongue come down on his skin to lick the blood away.

Horatio lay still and silent until Ryan lay down next to him smiling softly. Horatio pulled his nightclothes back on and curled up in Ryan's arms.

''Sorry,''Ryan spoke gently.

''Just don't do that every time. It really hurts.''

''But it tastes nice.''

Horatio looked at him like he was crazy,and suddenly his lips were crushed by Ryan's,and the sweet salty red liquid that Ryan had cleaned off rolled over his tongue,strangely comforting him.

The flavor was remarkable,and Horatio couldn't help it when his eyes rolled into the back of his head as the kiss deepened.

''See? I told you so,''Ryan said breathlessly once they parted.

Horatio chuckled softly and snuggled under the blankets.

''You're crazy.''

* * *

**_Please review! I know,it took me long enough. _**

**_I've been dealing with school and a few other minor problems that I can't get to go away;at least not at the moment.  
_**

**_I have to use my laptop for this since it's May and already 90 degrees here,and I don't wanna be responsible for overheating and frying mom's computer. _**

**_:)_**


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